art of love
The Theory of Love
The problem of human existence is one of separateness. Let’s start there. “Man is gifted with reason, he is life being aware of itself,” writes Fromm. With this gift of life comes the awareness of our separateness, we are born, and will die alone. Being separate means being cut off, helpless, with shame, fear and guilt. According to Fromm, Love is the only true cure for our separateness.
There are 4 activities that are necessary for loving. They are the following:
⧬1.Care
One loves that for which one labors, and one labors for that which one loves. Fromm explains, “If a woman told us that she loved flowers, and we saw that she forgot to water them, we would not believe in her ‘love’ for flowers.”
⧬2.Responsibility
To be responsible means to be able and ready to respond. It is a voluntary act, and an element of love.
⧬3.Respect
Respect can be roughly defined as the desire for others to grow and unfold as they are. Respect is not fear or awe but the absence of exploitation. Fromm adds, “Responsibility could easily deteriorate into domination and possessiveness, were it not for respect.”
⧬4.Knowledge
Fromm writes, “To respect a person is not possible without knowing him; care and responsibility would be blind if they were not motivated by concern.”
The Practice of Love
Just as there isn’t one manual for how to become a painter, there isn’t one manual on how to love. Fromm makes his intentions in this chapter clear, stating that it isn’t a “do it yourself” guide, but a jumping off point from which readers can pursue their desire to become artists of love.
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